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fluttershy will never die

by fluttershy will never die

supported by
cecilyrenns
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cecilyrenns I like the pony album :) Favorite track: love or something (didn't we used to be in).
jsburgh
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jsburgh FLUTTERSHY WILL NEVER DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Favorite track: love or something (didn't we used to be in).
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1.
the new year 02:52
i dont wanna die i dont wanna die im gonna make it to 2025 i dont wanna die i dont wanna die im gonna make it to 2025 i dont wanna die i dont wanna die im gonna make it to 2025 i dont wanna die i dont wanna die im gonna make it to 2025 i dont wanna die i dont wanna die im gonna make it to 2025 (starts improvising) n when i was 17, and my memories were replaced, and i had a life, and then it began, a life behind me and one behind were all gone, taken back into a million years of sleep, and i could just wake up and i could tell all the people i love im goin, but i dont feel like it, and its not really my style and i could be Online and i could be Away and i could be Do not Disturb and I could send you something you’d like and i know all these people now and i’m not/I know who i am and i have all these feelings AND OH MAN SO DO THEY… so youre all not gonna die, no way, no i’m not gonna die… i’m gonna make it to 2025, five, five im not gonna die (bbctol) im not gonna im gonna make it (jeff burgess) to 2025 happy new year motherfucker… (and last but not least that one guy who made like pat the bunny songs about My Little Pony)
2.
heart rate 02:12
I don’t even feel drunk anymore. I’ve got a headache and i’m really fuckin tired. Im sorry for missing all your bands shows. Im sorry for never going outside. and my heart rate increases like escaping prey and i failed as an artist but i wont be betrayed i wish i was strong like that girl at the farm i wish i was pretty as that shy girl in the magazine tomorrow morning i become someone else these sleeping pills stop working after a couple weeks or so and i cant sleep cus im scared ill die and my heart rate increases like escaping prey and i failed as an artist but i wont be betrayed i wish i was strong like that girl at the farm i wish i was pretty as that shy girl in the magazine
3.
[applejack] yeah we disagree a lot i hated being a kid i hated being a teenager when i see you you’re still one maybe we burned to the ground you still sleep in my orchard no matter how often i kick you out one of these days i wont wake you up didnt we used to be in love or something its been so long now i can barely recall didnt we used to be in love or something with broken bones and hearts there’s nothing at all [rainbow dash] you kept pulling me down i was scared and impatient and i could reflect but i dont feel thats my station you couldve taken my hand you couldve told me to be strong i used to thrive under pressure but now i need you in my arms to be safe didnt we used to be in love or something its been so long now i can barely recall didnt we used to be in love or something i miss you bad but now there’s nothing at all [rainbow dash and (applejack)] and i know you (but i’ve changed) you cant change too much (ive changed a lot) you call me sugarcube you call everyone that instead of sugar you just called me that [applejack and (rainbow dash)] youre crazier than a fox in the henhouse dont act like i dont know what this is about i know youre not scared (i’m scared) i know youre lying (i’m not lying) so please just come close to me i know i need your warmth i know i need you to hold me with your wings i know you need me too i know you need me too i know you need me too i know you need me too i know you need me too didnt we used to be in love or something its been so long now i can barely recall didnt we used to be in love or something i miss you bad but now there’s nothing at all
4.
[spike the dragon] i like sleeping when its raining out i like reading when i can i like spending time with you and your friends i like playing board games ive been working on a screenplay its not really all that good but its something to do somedays i worry he works like a pony (get that down, man, get that get that down, man pen and paper she’s the ones i cant spell) the world shows in how we treat our little brothers dont burn up in a place full of others and he knows that he cares a lot about it he’s not weak, he just knows he’s not allowed it the world shows in how we treat our little brothers i’m your big sister not your damn mother and he knows that he cares a lot about it he’s not weak, he just knows he’s not allowed it yeah i can, i can help you move your stuff in its fine, its no problem, im just happy to, yknow have a reason to be here, even if im not all that important its nice that you all keep me around and like if being kept around means having to do all this menial stuff then i’m ok with it, cuz i like you, i like all my friends someday he’ll grow up and won’t need me (get that down, man, get that get that down, man pen and paper she’s the ones i cant spell) the world shows in how we treat our little brothers dont burn up in a place full of others and he knows that he cares a lot about it he’s not weak, he just knows he’s not allowed it the world shows in how we treat our little brothers i’m your big sister not your damn mother and he knows that he cares a lot about it he’s not weak, he just knows he’s not allowed it
5.
[applejack] i miss the days when i had a farmer’s tan they put the snow up and the clouds and the harvest few months ago i asked you a question while pre emptively repaired shovels ooh, can we keep living like this? ooh, and im not privy to all that magic shit I just know the feeling of your hoof in mine is like, “please don’t cry, I can’t tell you why. And i’m feeling so blue. (don’t you get me started.) I know you’re there waiting for me. Please dont you tell me what to do.” you said there was something in the book about this but i cant find it. twi, if im not right, then im wrong, and im scared of options ooh, can we keep living like this? ooh, and im not privy to all that magic shit I just know the feeling of your hoof in mine is like, “please don’t cry, I can’t tell you why. And i’m feeling so blue. (don’t you get me started.) I know you’re there waiting for me. Please dont you tell me what to do.” im sorry. im really a liar, come back to ponyville, i’ll say anything if you just come back, Twilight.
6.
[starlight glimmer] id be more of a showman if i knew you were there to see. and i would let you touch me in some cartoon fantasy after lips, we're under lights, we do it quietly. and in my minds eye youre there in a crimson suit you swoon into a Neumann like some lounge-singer on ice and, if we make eye contact it won't be overstimulating. on a slow night, I come up, you reach your hand to me. you grip the cuff you pull me up with hooves so tenderly. you artist you with alcohol in tight gay harmony. and me that day and god, caffeine, and mentioning i read. and in my minds eye youre there in a crimson suit you croon into a Neumann like some lounge-singer on ice and, if we make eye contact it won't be overstimulating. and in my minds eye youre there in a crimson suit you croon into a Neumann like some lounge-singer on ice and, if we make eye contact it won't be overstimulating.
7.
[me] when i was growin up we didnt have tv i watched youtube on a decade old toshiba crt and in late august 2011 i was readin up on joy dumb kids just dont understand a trojan horse’s ploy and then i saw her face a million ways to not fall into place and even though the vids looked gray i knew her soul, i knew how to run away and then some years passed and i grew something had gone wrong i knew i woke up cold one christmas moon to six girls calm in crystal june and now i know just what to read and now i know just what to see and now i know just what to read and now i know just what to see
8.
i dont wanna die i dont wanna die im gonna make it to 2025
9.
[fluttershy and rainbow dash] you dont need to lie to yourself old friend im really scared for your health do you remember when we were kids and you were always in the thick of it "every day im tempted to disappear, n i know none of you want me here. and i know i've got wings for a reason, and i'm cold in the season..."
10.
[me] ... and i could ask myself sitting there on the floor with yellow needle and yellow felt sewing on wing-shaped cardboard is it really right to live my life with so much of my soul anchored to a corporate icon is this why so many people try to turn it into something more could it bring community could it be the source of a greater love could it leave us lonely and now lacking a reason should i just write songs regular songs that aren’t about a show for children
11.
[fluttershy] shy, shy the day is done youve never seen the parking lot so empty die! die! violence are you huddled up for warmth or are u just hiding. maybe there's no other way maybe you just cant stay let those doubts flicker and dissolve drown them in heroic resolve. but when you see that its just so hard sometimes youre so scared of the dark. glare in your eye wanna drive away you fell so damn in love but youre just hiding shy, shy the day is done youve never seen that parking lot so empty so she makes her final stand shes got her heart and a knife in her hand the thirteenth hour the reapers comin the stars are black and she hears something she wont die she'll never let em shell smash all the clocks shell never set em shes got caffeine pills in her purse shes hardcore and prepared for the worst. but when you see that its just so hard sometimes youre so scared of the dark.

about

AN ALBUM ABOUT PONIES AND AVOIDING SUICIDE

don't you know, fluttershy?

the animals all need you

your friends all need you

and we all need you

how could a creature so gentle, so easy to hurt...

how could it be so full of kindness?

how could it even find itself in love with the world?

- - -

Three stories:

1. In late 2020 we were nearly a year into quarantine and I was beginning to go insane. I was so lonely and touch was impossible and it was so icy cold and it seeped into my bedroom through an unclosable window. I began to search myself deeply for lack of other things to do. I traveled back in time to 2011 and watched what they did there. People at the time seemed to express themselves through ponies. I reached out and touched one. It was the yellow shy one. I realized that she in her cabin and I in my tower were in the same boat. We became connected.

2. Between the summer of 2021 and the spring of 2022 I lived in Asheville, North Carolina. During this period I rarely left my dorm room. I spent most of my time getting Cs and Ds in my classes, listening to weird music, and eating Domino's. One day around November or December the name "sogreatandpowerful" was beamed into my brain. I looked him up and listened to a song called E48. E48 is a piece that bridges the gap between tenderness and explosive emotions - like much of sgap's work. The song contains the line "maybe you're my hospital." It is a phrase so removed from typical human communication that it bypasses all the cliches, all the platitudes used to try and reassure the anxious. Comically, almost embarrassingly, this song opens with a chant sampled from the titular episode - "Fluttershy, fluttershy, fluttershy can hardly fly."

3. In October 2023 I wanted to be fluttershy for halloween. The wings I sewed fell apart in my bag while I was on the J train. Then I got drunk and forgot about it.

credits

released January 1, 2024

thanks to jeff burgess (for his encouragement), cecily renns (for being my best friend), and all the other good pony musicians.

track 4 features socks riley bushytail as spike (pegging-and-communism.tumblr.com)
track 5 written and programmed by cecily renns

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