1. |
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(BRIDGETTE FOX, CIRCLEVILLE, NY, SPRING 2019)
i missed you so much!
i was terrible, inconsolable
so the things i did in your name...
i loved you so much!
i was detestable, untenable
but i felt something in my haert...
so here i go again
worrying about the things that you never ever thought
criminal villain and a cruel despot
so here, i know, again
talking all the things that you never ever thought
falling in love with the dollar shop
i hate you so much
i was beautiful all full of soul
but the things you did in my name...
i made us so much
we were everything! the song to sing!
but i felt something in my haert...
so here i go again
worrying about the things that you never ever thought
criminal villain and a cruel despot
so here, i know, again
talking all the things that you never ever thought
falling in love with the dollar shop
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2. |
awakening
03:27
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(XYQZY VYX, IN A DREAM, DECEMBER 2020)
have you ever had a dream so vivid you thought it was real?
when your mind, flawed and singular, made mistakes big enough for you to notice, you thought you were going mad.
in heaven or hell, the touch of my skin
some days i feel like...
some days i feel like im gonna wake up any day now...
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3. |
doe-eyed
02:46
|
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(STUART POSEY, AUTUMN, WALLKILL, NY, 2017)
but then i was bright eyed and bushy tailed.
i was doe eyed, too dumb to fail.
i came awoken, i filed down my teeth.
i stole a shovel and dug in yr backyard, i was searchin for something underneath.
i'm stupid
that's why i'm still quiet.
but i'm lucid
so i don't bely it.
and i'm tired
and wide awake
and i'm on fire
oh god i'm on fire
but then i was bright eyed and bushy tailed.
i was doe eyed, too dumb to fail.
i came awoken, i filed down my teeth.
i stole a shovel and dug in yr backyard, i was searchin for something underneath.
and i felt stupid, so i was quiet.
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4. |
bidstep
03:04
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(OAKLEY BLACKBERRY, SUMMER, WALLKILL, NY, 2017)
i saw gentle colors round with nary a quieter sound,
i saw pictures in the air but i felt it wasn't fair.
i got you against the wall.
i got you, say i have it all.
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5. |
barbed wire heartz pt 4
02:38
|
|
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(HALF AND HALF?, SOME PARTY?, AGE 15)
i clung hard to my umbrella
and it clung hard to the wind and we flew away
i landed somewhere i knew very well
you were there and if you were there i wanted to stay
(AAAAAAAAAAA)
i was dressed for the occasion
and i felt a little embarrassed
and i was scared to dance with you
but you, you took me to the back room...
i was 15 i love you still i love you still i love you
i was 15 i love you still i love you still i love you
i was 15 i love you still i love you still i love you
i was 15 i love you still i love you still i love you
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6. |
meow
02:01
|
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(BRIDGETTE FOX, WHO CARES?, 2021)
when i'm sad
when i feel bad
and when youre sad
after all the shit youve had
all i have to say is its gonna be ok! (doesnt have to be this way)
darling youll see, if you just pamper me
when you've been had, and
when i've been had
and when i'm sad
after all the shit i've had
all i have to say is its gonna be ok! (doesnt have to be this way)
darling youll see, if you just pamper me
all i have to say is its gonna be ok! (doesnt have to be this way)
darling youll see, if you just pamper me
meow meow...
meow meow...
meow meow...
all i have to say is meow!
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7. |
hypercard
00:53
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8. |
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(BIDDY FOX, SUMMER, HADDONSFIELD, NJ, 2021)
ITS BEAUTIFUL BUT THERES NOTHING THERE!!!!!!!!!!
123, i think new york is killing me
sun gone too cold too see
my life controlled by fickle breeze
i think new york is killing me
and idk how to talk to people its crazy its taken me this long to learn, and i get, i get shaky and nervous rightt, like im taking a test i didnt study for, and i gotta start writing like index cards for what to say, like what if my fly is down what if i smell bad, how do i know if anyone cares???
i think upstate is killing you
its only winter that the sky is blue
it killed yr sister and yr papa too
i think upstate is killing you
a-and i was talkin to someone from like a regular sized, like, actual place, and they asked, like, they were talking about my town like "is there anything in your town?" and honestly no its just a bunch of FUCKING HOUSES!!!!!
i think new york is getting old
the citys right there but the cash unfolds
the moths are drunk on black mold
i think new york is getting old
i think new york is!
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9. |
swingin
03:29
|
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(XYQZY VYX, SUMMER, ASHEVILLE, NC, 2021)
when you come out swinging
out on the dancefloor
with that american youre bringing
"why don't you take me in your car and listen to talking heads with me?"
with the shit youre flinging
i dont know how they let you stay around the town these days
n i dont give a flying feather
im done with all the shit ive weathered
when you come out swinging
out on the dancefloor
with that american youre bringing
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10. |
|
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HALF AND HALF: o-oh... oh goodness, are you alright? are you awake, can you talk?
XYQZY: ...send me to the pound...
HALF AND HALF: what?
(XYQZY VYX, AUTUMN, ASHEVILLE, NC, 2021)
... (a brief moment where a space in the music opens for xyqzy to sing but it gets stage fright)
mine was short, quiet and sad, and it ended long before the curtains shut.
i am a small scared hurt animal. you picked me up and held me and i kicked you, sorry, pick me back up again please
send me to the pound, take me to the pound, i am an insect, i climbed into your car, from the catskills to carolina
"good lord! what an ugly puny thing! send it away with the spray! or put in under a glass and a paper towel and move it outside"
put the cash back in your wallet, the vending machine's still broken.
XYQZY: man, its like...
HALF AND HALF: yeah?
HALF AND HALF: uh huh?
XYQZY: the ends in sight, right?
HALF AND HALF: right.
HALF AND HALF: mhm.
XYQZY: but i keep going anyway.
HALF AND HALF: yeah that's good, you're... strong, for that.
XYQZY: it's all gonna rot and burn away.
HALF AND HALF: that's...
XYQZY: gonna watch it happen... no wonder i'm tired. no wonder i'm trying to die.
REVELATION CHAPTER 6
12 And I beheld, when He had opened the sixth seal and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became like blood;
13 And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind.
14 And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places.
15 And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every slave, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains,
16 And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of Him that sitteth on the throne, and from the LAUGH of the Lamb;
17 For the great day of His wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand?
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11. |
roxy on the train home
01:45
|
|
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(ROXANNE RICHARDSON, SUMMER(?), NYC, 2023)
she, apparently, took the subway the same time I did, every morning. she was on the train when i boarded and stayed there when i left. she would sit, plainly dressed in a skirt and T-shirt, even on the coldest days. alone and unmoving, expression unreadable, bulky old headphones cutting her off from the rest of the world.
but when i got on, she would always look me straight in the eye, before returning to staring into space.
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12. |
|
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(BIDDY FOX, AUTUMN, ASHEVILLE, NC, 2021)
self reference!!!
self reference!!!
self reference!!!
self reference!!!
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13. |
undertow
01:25
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(BIDDY FOX, SUMMER, ASHEVILLE, NC, 2021)
im feeling tired cuz i havent called home.
i get slippery cause im left alone.
i order every single thing i need on my phone.
20th centurys childish tone.
spoiled like a [?] my home.
remembering the beatles he recieves the dial tone.
took a death cab for cutie and shes undertow.
i dont need all the hurry i just need to be alone.
1 2 3 4
can i have a little more yeah?
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14. |
zetterstrand
02:22
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(XYQZY VYX, SUMMER, ASHEVILLE, NC, 2021)
IF U NEED LOVE I CAN PROVIDE
IM ALWAYS LYIN THERE ALONE AT NIGHT
HEARIN THE SONGS OF THE BEER ADDLED FIGHTS
KEPT STILL AWAKE BY A TINY CLOCK LIGHT
DRY IN THE DESERT IM A LIL DESPERATE
YOU KNO WHAT ITS LIKE I WISH U WOULDNT TEST IT
U ASK ME COULD I TELL YOU BUT I DIDNT GET IT
HOPE YOU LEARNED FROM SOMEONE ELSE AND IF SO PLEASE TELL IT
I TURN THE FAN ON BUT IM STILL HOT
INSTANT SOUP SIPPED ON A DENSELY PACKED COT
I COULD BE IN ASHEVILLE I COULD BE IN BROOKLYN
EVERY CITYS ALL THE SAME PEOPLE HATE IN CLOTS
DO U EVER FIND YOURSELF SHAKEN WIDE AWAKE
IN A PUDDLE OF UR OWN SWEAT AT 4:58
I REMEMBER EVERY DREAM, NOT TODAYS DATE
I FEEL TRAPPED IN A HORRIBLE FATE...
DONT BE SHY I KNOW UR REASONS WHY
THINK I KNOW FOR SURE, NO THAT WAS A LIE
MY LIMBS SHIVER IN ONES TWO THREE
MY BONES ITCH LIKE POISON IVY
AND EVERY SINGLE SOUND IS LIKE NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD
ELECTRICITY HUM OF THE POISONOUS BEE
AND THAT DRONE HE FLIES TO THE TOP MOST TREE
WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE UP 300000 FEET
ON THE TOP OF A BUILDING BUILT FOR SOME FUCKING FREAK
WITH VERY LITTLE SENSE BUT A LOT OF MONEY
I WANT TO WAKE UP FREE FROM THIS HELL OF A DREAM
BUT IM TRAPPED HERE WITH YOU LIKE YOURE TRAPPED HERE WITH ME...
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15. |
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(XYQZY VYX, SUMMER, WALLKILL, NY, 2021)
but also
(BRIDGETTE FOX, SUMMER, WALLKILL, NY, 2019)
ooooh~
oooh~
ooooh~
makes you feel like she did years ago
but now that makes it feel like somethings wrong
she makes you feel like she did years ago
but now that makes it feel like somethings wrong
because it is.
and i gotta stifle all the sadness in my heart
just to stop it from tearing her apart.
and feeling this good for this long
makes you feel like somethings gonna go wrong
but it never does
UNTIL YOU MAKE IT SO.
and i gotta stifle all the sadness in my heart
all just to stop it from tearing her apart.
HEY!
and even being happy is hard these days
cause i cant stop thinking about lots of things
about lots of things
and i ahahahahaaaa... sadness in my heart
ooooh~
all just to stop it from tearing her apart!
oooh~
(cool!)
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16. |
paradox
02:41
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(BIDDY FOX, AUTUMN, ASHEVILLE, NC, 2021)
ok, so, the idea is that you be yourself, perfectly and completely, authentically you, like take your favorite things and mash them together and thats the result, nonchalant and shameless and completely you: an indestructible self expression. the unreal becoming hyper-real.
there are these kind of unspoken rules too. they just sort of emerged organically, no one wrote them down and i think some people dont know they exist. just that a bunch of people wanted to be part of something but werent particularly creative or interested people, they just copied what they liked, as if someone theyd never met had managed to fully encapsulate their unrelenting uncompromising true self, just by accident while trying to create their own true self.
and there were enough that this shameless complete self expression started to just kinda follow a template. people started seeing it not as what it was meant to be, as the self-truth that might just end up being a little ridiculous, but a competition to be more and more self-ridiculous and obnoxious and strainful to look at.
so now this idea meant for those shamed into submission, meant to be the true self, meant to leave no one behind, ends up transforming into yet another monolith, just yet another clique, and so all the people left out not knowing its origins start feeling a little upset or conflicted about this, and so what they do is they go and they come up with their own counter reaction, based on the concept that rather than being tamed you must be authentically you, perfectly and completely...
[synth solo]
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17. |
summertime! (in rhyme!)
02:07
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(BIDDY FOX, SUMMERTIME, WALLKILL, NY, 2021)
summertime! in rhyme
cross the line! to find
alright! it's fine
all night! i lied
summertime! in rhyme
cross the line! to find
alright! it's fine
all night! i lied
summertime! in rhyme
cross the line! to find
alright! it's fine
all night! i lied
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18. |
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(HALF AND HALF, UPSTATE?, AGE 15)
i fell after...
i fell after throbbing blows from winter snow and a whispered moonlit glow.
bashed when they crashed the seats out of the trashed van.
i sat and looked at the sky and thought about guys with bedroom eyes and lithe curvy thighs.
and i thought about how sad how bad i felt and how new york looked like all the arty comic books.
and thin we looked like that, in my tearful fantasy world
i was gigglin like a schoolgirl. (i was dressed like one too.)
1234!!!
[incomprehensible, impassioned screaming]
...savannah was the first time i saw the sun...
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19. |
freudian
02:51
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you know!
dont let's go!
oh no!
like i said so!
(BIDDY FOX, WINTER, CIRCLEVILLE, NY, 2017)
and i had a dream,
that we were in love,
but i woke up,
and we weren't.
you know!
dont let's go!
oh no!
like i said so!
(BIDDY FOX, WINTER, CIRCLEVILLE, NY, 2018)
and im shootin' blanks
and its corrupted irreparably
and i cant run on empty tanks i need
something to breathe...
BUT,
you know!
dont let's go!
oh no!
like i said so!
you know!
dont let's go!
oh no!
like i said so!
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20. |
sex/violence
02:25
|
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(XYQZY VYX, SUMMER, ???, 2021)
sex is a form of suicide
cuz i subsume and i exhume myself into another will.
but my death is a site of eternal life,
when i fall asleep in your arms...
and my room is cold but
im sweating hot oh god
and i feel weak i feel silent
i feel tears crash against the levee
and there are brushstrokes of eyelashes
out of the window is wind
my neck your breath
THE ASPENS AND I SHIVER TOGETHER.
sex is a form of suicide
cuz i subsume and i exhume myself into another will.
but my death is a site of eternal life,
when i fall asleep in your arms...
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21. |
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(AMERICA, 1945-2145)
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22. |
xyqzy
02:31
|
|
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(XYQZY VYX, FOREVER)
im a little bunyn rabit.
you can acll me xyqzy.
un a kuttle bunny rabit girl.
yiou can call my xyqzy.
im sa sacared likttle bunny rabbit.
ym name is xyqzy
im a scared little bunny rabbit.
my name is xyqzy.
i could go outside
but there are things outside
i could go outside
but there are people outside.
i dont wanna go outside.
i DONT WANT TO GO OUTSIDE.
i could get killed.
i could just get killed.
im not lonely. (its not lonely)
im on the internet. (its on the internet)
im not lonely (its not lonely)
ive got the internet (its on the internet)
im not lonely
need no touch
im scared of being touched.
its all too much.
im 18 years old.
im 18 years old. heh.
im 15 years old.
all that glitters is gold.
oh all that glitters is gold.
when a poor thing, you, poor thing, paralyzed with weakness, whisper in my ear.
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23. |
fuck
02:14
|
|
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whenever you call me i dont pick up.
ive got rot in my mind and i dont give A FUCK.
whenever you call me i wont pick up.
youve got ice in your words and ive had enough.
so you whisper lies in my ear
and ive never ever felt more fear.
i take some ibuprofen and a cup of coffee
and i cuss out all the drunks but i dont think thatll stop me
sometimes i make things up yeah full hypocrisy
sometimes i just cant stop and yet you still love me.
so you whisper lies in my ear
and ive never ever felt more fear.
so you whisper lies in my ear
and ive never ever felt more fear.
[jamming continues]
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24. |
claustrophobia (lofi)
02:26
|
|
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i have claustrophobia even in your arms
but that much joy is hard to take anyway.
i have claustrophobia even in my bed
ill suffocate facedown and no one will hear me fade
and i seem cold and hard but what i seem is wrong
cus on the inside im small and soft and i wanna be in your songs
and i seem cold and hard but what i seem is wrong
cus on the inside im small and soft and i wanna be in your songs.
i have claustrophobia in a jar like a bug
but it would be ok to be under your piercing gaze.
i have claustrophobia even in your arms
but youre not gonna choke me out so its ok.
and i seem cold and hard but what i seem is wrong
cus on the inside im small and im soft and i wanna be in your songs
and i seem cold and hard but what i seem is wrong
cus on the inside im small and im soft and i wanna be in your songs.
i have claustrophobia, in my house
its so sunny outside but theres not enough air.
i have claustrophobia, in my body
without any touch it all feels so unreal...
i have claustrophobia but when i touch you it goes away
i have claustrophobia but when i touch you it goes away
i have claustrophobia but when i touch you it goes away
i have claustrophobia but when i saturday sunday
cus on the inside im small and soft and i wanna be the center of the world.
|
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25. |
|
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26. |
|
|||
(apologies to the Unicorns)
we had drum loops with fills, we had estrogen pills, we had wolves teeth drippin' for the kill.
we wrote songs that went on for too long, we had everything that made us feel wrong
BUT YOURE HALF FICTIONAL!
you are lies with a pen, you can say that again, i understand.
youre mere pictorial, you are a message i send, you can say that again if you dont understand.
you were love in a can, you liked my favorite band, i lit your cigarettes so you could hold my hand
we licked blood in the street we couldnt be beat, you made me feel like i was elite, yeah shit like that
i never even met you i just thought i could get you
i slept in your bed its sad but true
we had drum loops with fills, we had estrogen pills, we had wolves teeth drippin' for the kill.
BUT YOURE HALF FICTIONAL!
you are lies with a pen, you can say that again, i understand.
youre mere pictorial, you are a message i send, you can say that again if you dont understand, i dont!!!
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27. |
life extreme
02:15
|
|
||
that was the day
you told me what you really wanted
dont know what to say
for a million years these feelings haunted
so where do we go?
and will we ever know, and
when the moonlight glows
the night after the show
I SHUT MY EYES AND WANT TO SCREAM
WE SPEND OUR DAYS IN THIS LIFE EXTREME
I CLOSE MY NIGHT WITH A SHUDDERING SIGH
IM NEVER READY TO SAY GOODBYE
so i clam up,
my words are kept inside a lockbox
storm over a pup,
curled under a tree a lonely red Fox
so where do we go?
and will we ever know and
when the moonlight glows
the night after the show
I SHUT MY EYES AND WANT TO SCREAM
WE SPEND OUR DAYS IN THIS LIFE EXTREME
I CLOSE MY NIGHT WITH A SHUDDERING SIGH
IM NEVER READY TO SAY GOODBYE
I SHUT MY EYES AND WANT TO SCREAM
WE SPEND OUR DAYS IN THIS LIFE EXTREME
I CLOSE MY NIGHT WITH A SHUDDERING SIGH
IM NEVER READY TO SAY GOODBYE
SAY GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||||
28. |
sorry
02:27
|
|
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29. |
casiotone
01:53
|
|
||
(HALF AND HALF, NYC, AGE 29? OR SO)
maybe thingsll be ok.
maybe i wont die.
maybe ill feel better
once im out of tears to cry
lets dance to casiotone
lets dance to casiotone
lets dance to casiotone
lets dance to casiotone, dadum dum dum
maybe thingsll be ok
maybe i wont die (ha! ha!)
maybe ill feel better
once im out of tears to cry
lets dance to casiotone
lets dance to casiotone
lets dance to casiotone
lets dance to casiotone, dadum dum dum
|
||||
30. |
love is real (outro)
05:26
|
|
||
if there was order,
anywhere we know
the stars would all be
in even rows
that's why i go online
and i order hormones
if everythings all scattered
make sense on my own
hey bobby can i borrow your shoulders?
can i talk to whoever and beg them can i hold her
hey bobby can i take a cup of courage from you
tell whoever "i am this" with the finest wordage.
very late at night strokes of grays and blues
flesh in her field, down by the moon
we like to name ourselves "luna"
cause while everyone's in the day we be ourselves at night and wither in the sun
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