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BOYMODERS UNION

by ALEXANDER DIOGENES

supported by
haldarious
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haldarious legit one of my favorite albums of the past couple years tysm for making it Favorite track: NEURO.
cybercrasherstv
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cybercrasherstv a brilliant artistic statement about transphobia and how dysphoria & others shape our view of ourselves. the fear of assault & further emotional erosion turns into a religion of its own, as the desire to change the world by force meets the refusal to play into the dominant class's hands! it's also so glimmering and hooky, & deserves even more love that it has had. the greatest critique of a system is not an anthem against it, but a personal ode to your own issues that we can all see ourselves in Favorite track: THE RUINS.
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1.
there's a bitter taste in the back of my mouth there's a spine chill with the marked down route there's a visceral hunger in the back of my brain clutched to my chest curled up under the rain with synthetic diamond on its brittle perch with her throne of ash from a tower of birch oh sweet vict'ry i've been a terrible friend from the top of the sky I picked up on your scent with the quiet and dim flying like the clouds and so lonely and harsh and deafening loud when they're mowing their lawns till they turn to gold it'll be twenty years till my heart unfolds gave up my life, gave up my soul left it in the gutter to seethe and mold cried to God and got no reply so then thus declare that the glory is mine I found myself lost in the biomass I found myself lookin' through lenses of glass I cold myself found as the world spins round like the Web spider weaving without a sound
2.
NEURO 02:34
I could wake up from this dream come back warm flesh be your plaything love is cold in modern new age love is cold these days I could wake up from this dream come back warm flesh be your plaything love is cold in modern new age love is cold these days i could never afford a leather jacket i tried to [?] but i just couldn't hack it so i went and ran far away i went and ran far away idk whats wrong with you people some cultures a church with death as its steeple thats what it looks like from here from the top of my tower of fear I could wake up from this dream come back warm flesh be your plaything love is cold in modern new age love is cold these days so i inject these thoughts right to my brain but even i can tell this shit is insane but its culture so what can i do its culture so what can i do i woke up in a puddle of sweat im not ready to be alive yet everything's a catastrophe it's all catastrophe I could wake up from this dream come back warm flesh be your plaything love is cold in modern new age love is cold these days
3.
You were a volunteer. You were (re)designed for the pleasure of other people. You are technically, biological. But unlike the old kind of biological specimen your cycles are all internalized, compartmentalized. Rather than allow it to spill out it is instead kept inside, so that it doesn't make a mess. Inevitably the buildup kills you painfully, but that's not a problem. There are solutions for that. Everything's a machine anyway. A biological machine is a seething primordial soup jiggling away in a loose fleshy mistake of nature, differentiated from intelligent human design only by its complete inefficiency. There are solutions for that. It's a warm day in hell.
4.
SKIRT 02:44
(HAHAHAHAHA) blinking lights and everything pounding in the exi’s dream she says it’s such a sexy thing and she’s willing to go to extremes is your life in black and white? do you feel lame and uptight? could tonight be the night you finally get your shit right flashing lights and screamed lines sorry girls I’m doing fine you look like shit in a suit and tie but in a skirt you look alright is your life in black and white? do you feel lame and uptight? could tonight be the night you finally get your shit right me and my crew, we're all in the car, we're all listening to the russian numbers station, we can do this shit, all by ourselves, we got it, every single one of us looks like we've been stung by bees
5.
KITTY 02:17
(i kind of wonder what sort of person you have to be, what kind of dreams you have to have... to throw your whole life away for something like that.) music is all fucking architecture to me its construction is its meaning its emotions don’t get through me feel controlled, a twisted mesh of blood and sinew maybe nothing’s wrong with forgetting all you knew two people interact in a psychick connection broken off finds only itself its selection looping and trapped like a tulpa or compulsion testing the limits of its own “human” revulsion I wish i were a cat or an object made of plastic pure moving form with its truth all elastic a microphonic purr or a mouthful of fur wouldn’t it be nice to make that violence yours I can feel my biology hissing and rumbling clicking like clockwork but yet occasion’lly stumbling I’d love to live my life like pixels on a screen a square of latex or a block of concrete I was a hermit in my own head own head pink walking down a faceless instead instead your own anathema and stomach’s dread stomachs dread she was a teenager but she’s dead, she’s dead
6.
you're special oh so special and lovely oh so unique there could be a place you belong there could be a path you could seek solid solemn summers on the astral plane magical animism that stirs your heart leaps up to your throat, "this is really you" vodka drenched you forgot the start and oh how my lost love I don't even recognize him anymore. his eyes are different now and his soul has a lock on its door. god knows why they were all coyotes? they were only ever true to their soul like the same six songs over and over or maybe it was more but how could you ever know grinnell, the kmart sign at 4am reflects in the rain in a pool of blood low color graphics where your past life died muttering and static and howls in the wood in michigan, I heard he died gone to climb to some higher plane maybe hes really been reborn a hardy dog hunts on a dying plain but it was a human I loved and it was one who lived without fear this is a world of flesh and stone and I think we ought to stay here and oh how my lost love I don't even recognize him anymore. his eyes are different now and his soul has a lock on its door.
7.
i smashed his head open and roaches poured out, a sea all over the street i smashed his head open and roaches poured out, but it was only a dream lots of people talk about regeneration lots of people talk about building a soul benadryl people tear their flesh from their limbs lots of people down a pill whole i really realized a little while ago the fear was just holding me back life is a game and we're just players rearing our anxiety track "we don't even need to shift anymore we just do this shit IRL, it's sick, if someone dies we just regen them LOL, no one minds" lots of people blow their minds on impact lots of people shoot and cut and kill lots of people make love on murderdrugs and it isn't very long till the body lies still the world says it's bad to express a truth the world says it's bad to cut and kill the world says it's bad to eat our dead the world says it's bad to pose our will stroke my phantom invisible wings, tear my body to shreds the truth is built it's just a lie, seattle sleepsong instead
8.
don’t want to escape anymore don’t want to forget, don’t want to forget Wanna feel every single scratch and the petroleum catch, and the petroleum catch don’t wanna run away anymore don’t wanna forget, don’t wanna forget a child crying reflects in the sea I don’t wanna be this, I don’t wanna be I don’t wanna be I don’t wanna be I don’t wanna be and you feel it, in, the depths of your skull there’s a compression, a free expression burning pain coursing through your soul coming, walking down the halls of the world there’s a shiver of death, a shaky breath you sissy fuck, you make my stomach curl i seem to have more and more trouble falling asleep at night. i stay up and think about everything everyday, the goings on, the way I got here, I can't remember it don’t want to escape anymore don’t want to forget, don’t want to forget Wanna feel every single scratch and the petroleum catch, and the petroleum catch don’t wanna run away anymore don’t wanna forget, don’t wanna forget a child crying reflects in the sea I don’t wanna be this, I don’t wanna be I don’t wanna be I don’t wanna be I don’t wanna be
9.
i'm not a machine. i'm not a machine. i'm under god this false world flesh and blood come down in a flood falling to pieces in the aspens saw you say things i couldn't hear (cigarettes on an ashtray) falling to pieces in the aspens landed on concrete. falling to pieces in the aspens saw you say things i couldn't hear (cigarettes on an ashtray) falling to pieces in the aspens landing on concrete.
10.
It's kind of You look up and you look at the sky and There are birds, somehow you know there are less birds but there are birds, they chirp and murmur like a song Memories are strange and abstract which is difficult when the world is to some extent concrete, they end up just being a collection of various scents and various textures of background noise There is something utterly familiar to the murmur and chirp of birds and the whistle of wind through leafy branches though. You think back to that huge apartment, how you always felt sweaty even though the AC was constantly blowing like arctic wind You think back to dying again. With a memory like yours, full of holes like a censored book, you couldn't even begin to imagine counting the times you've felt your consciousness burn out like a candle. You can't remember the beginning of your life becoming like this. You were once told (by whom?) it was your choice. But you know there was a time before this.
11.
THE RUINS 01:25
dear come here I know youre listening come talk to me I know you’re in need of someone who’ll listen I wrote out some words to say and they were beautiful they were like poetry but they blew away I remember there was something about rain and something about the sun but now it sounds corny so I’ll just tell you how I feel in my own words I know you don’t think anyone could ever enjoy your company I know you think you were born to be alone well I was born to be alone and it doesn’t matter how you’re born, cus we’re born screaming, and we go out crying, but that doesn’t matter and the shit in the middle does. oh and here I am, talking instead of listening again, I’ll let you talk now, I just wanted you to know all that, I’m sorry
12.
ESCAPING 03:17
single word, servant heard understood, a winter hood egregious in your ego walking alone through the snow belonging, with a ring feeling good, you knew you would crying with your mind blown like you didn’t even know when i woke up oh that morning, blood in my ears and weather storming rubber flesh and silicone gel I was dead and this was hell and it’s all fake it’s all trash, no mistake but it’s okay I don’t feel anymore hurricane’s eye, empathic whore and I fall asleep with the rain and when I wake up I’ve got water stains didn’t need, didn’t bleed whether you ever knew egregious in your ego walking alone, please don’t go I was your property all my hearts’ every beat
13.
i know everything you’re gonna do i know everything I have to do to hurt you i have a map of the inside of your head you provided you might as well be already dead it’s decided i have a map of the inside of your head i have a map of the inside of your head eyes in disguise, in the skies, a body lies as the sun fries, oh joy, a choice unwise wrong were you right, time to die, a body lies as the sun fries, oh no, he goes unwise dont play stupid i know what youre doing fly away on phantom wings i know you don’t feel anything a complex map, a timecube bliss, is it really this, if we come together kiss foolish news, a pleasure cruise with paid un-dues do you feel true to yourself with all the changes you accrue another way coming another day coming we all know what you really really want
14.
a demon came into my room and told me you will live this again and again and again until the end of time and that's never that things starting, it's happening again I'm starting to feel like i've run dry of friends she was driving straight but she ran off a bend (I hate dreamin', I wanna live!) (I hate dreamin', I wanna live!) she was driving straight but she ran off a bend (I hate dreamin', I wanna live!) (I hate dreamin', I wanna live, live, live!) and with the sun falling three thousand miles and the burning whispers of dying isles that's forever rock and roll shotgun kiss, destroyer, destroyer there are plenty of things I'd miss, but for ya, but for ya it'll be okay, I never knew any of you people to motherfuckin begin anyway mollusking, gravid with grace for the fall I never felt like i fit in here or anywhere i thought wandering a hall that's built from marble and, and it becomes fleshy and soft at seemingly random intervals i hate dreamin, i wanna live. i hate dreamin, i wanna live. i hate dreamin, i wanna live. i hate dreamin, i wanna live. i hate dreamin, i wanna live. i hate dreamin, i wanna live. i hate dreamin, i wanna live.. a demon came into my room and told me you will live this again and again and again until the end of time and that's never (I hate dreamin', I wanna live!) (I hate dreamin', I wanna live!) (I hate dreamin', I wanna live!) (I hate dreamin', I wanna live, live, live!) (I hate dreamin', I wanna live!) (I hate dreamin', I wanna live!) (I hate dreamin', I wanna live!) (I hate dreamin', I wanna live, live, live!)

about

There was a gas leak in my dorm and i became so depressed I would spend 8-12 hours a day mixing and thats how this album happened and I used to think I just got possessed by a demon but i learned like two years later it was a gas leak kinda funny huh

credits

released April 4, 2022

album art, instrumentation, programming, sampler work, singing, lyrics, whatever, its all by me, Biddy Fox.

Stems: drive.google.com/file/d/1o6H-rg3ya5s4jGCW-XUuFmgB63Ccv2Ho

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